Poet, Audrey Austin

Poet, Audrey Austin
This site is to honour my mother, poet, Eva Ruby Austin.

Monday, March 10, 2014

To Fly - a poem by Paulette Grant ............

When I open my heart to the sky,
I let it wash over me
and I get a feeling of expansiveness.
Unlimited space.
And yet .. the space is Knowing.
For a very long time I've had this Knowing.A sense of the I AM.I was such a serious child .
Someone always telling me .
For Pete's sake .. SMILE "
smile... .smile .... smile Paulette
Your face won't crack if you smile.

There were always too many questions
and so many stupid answers.
that just didn't fit.
So I was always thinking
and asking my questions
and searching within myself for the answers
to what felt right to me.
But I was always quiet for fear.
I was just a kid .. I feared the unknown .. and this was enough to make me serious .

I remember looking at the sky and getting so dizzy at the sheer size of heaven.
When I let my mind wander with thoughts on how far eternity stretched and how small I really was in all of it ,
The little speck I was saw me even
smaller than a fleck of dust
and yet
I still felt part of such a mystery because of twinges of memories I couldn't quite make sense of.Memories of a place in the Light , full of love.
So when finally someone said it was "GOD" that I had always known existed I believed them.
For these grownups knew who God was .. I was barely six and quickly learned that
"GOD" came with instructions on how to please Him.
Little speck that I was I took HIM to my heart but after a while
He just didn't feel right in the space
where He used to be,
the God that I knew from before.

And for a good long time of trying to make Him happy
for I was warned it would make Him very sad and angry if I ever disobeyed and that if I didn't get it right this one time I might as well forget it because He would throw me into Hell wherever That Place was ... all hot and burning they said.

So I threw Him out of me and returned to the God I remembered and loved .

I spent many years talking to my GOD while growing up, especially at night when looking out through the bedroom window and when the stars were out,it was like looking at my Home, where I really belonged.God was the one who took me through some rough times growing up.
He was always there to talk to .A good listener. I could feel it inside myself and to this day I'm still so in love with the stars.

I count myself very lucky that on any given night , I can go outside and see all the stars I want to .There are not so many city lights over here brightening up the skies and hiding the stars.
It still takes my breath away to look up.. and I still get Homesick for them ..I guess this part of me never grew up .

I want to fly ... I so want to fly .. because
Out of everything that God created , the most impressive
apart from us, Her children, the little sparks that we are ,
has to be the endless gardens and playgrounds She created in eternity........................Paulette Grant.

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